The Teacher's Pet
by Werecat99
Summary: COMPLETE. A Potions Master with no sense of humor. A cat with an attitude and a naughty poltergeist. Oh the fun! Oh the horror!
1. Love at first sight

**The Teacher's Pet.******

Chapter 1: Love at first sight.

It had been a routine school day at Hogwarts for Severus Snape, former Death Eater and present Potions Master. After several classes, he was content with several points having been deducted from all Houses, with Gryffindor in the lead with minus sixty-five points. Several detentions had been issued as well, but he had succeeded in passing them all to Argus Filch, which would spend a very enjoyable evening in the company of Fred and George Weasley - because Snape had plans for the evening.

Finishing his paperwork, he shoved the graded assignments of his not-so-bright students in a drawer and walked to his private chambers, closing the study door behind him. He took off his robes and threw them on his bed, while his gaze never left the small parcel on the table in the middle of the room. He poured himself some firewhiskey in a short glass and unwrapped the package with trembling hands. His eyes gleamed with excitement on reading the title of his new book: "Pickling and gutting: Rediscovering the meaning of Life" by the infamous alchemist Gerald DragonBreath.

His fingers brushed the hard cover of the book. He had been trying to locate a copy for many years, but most of them had been sealed away in private collections. And now that he had acquired one, he was going to savor every minute of reading it. Nothing could spoil this moment.

Or so he thought.

As he momentarily raised his eyes from the book to grasp his glass, he realized with surprise that he was not alone. A big, ginger-colored cat was seated on his bed - on his robes of all places, shedding fur on the dark fabric.

Snape frowned. How on earth had that cat sneaked in?

By the size of his head, this was most probably a male cat, one belonging to a student. There was a collar on him and Snape thought that the name of the cat would probably be written there. _And hopefully so will be the name of his owner_, he thought with a smirk. Someone was bound for severe point deduction and most probably detention as well. He walked to the bed and reached out with his hand to examine the collar.

The cat reached out with his front leg extending _one_ razor sharp claw.

Snape prudently retrieved his hand.

The cat did the same.

Snape scowled at the cat, feeling really annoyed. He was not going to be intimidated by a cat, of all creatures.

On the other hand, these claws appeared to be extremely sharp. Perhaps a different approach was needed here, one that required a lot of willpower on Snape's part. Focusing on the task, somehow he pulled it through. He smiled.

"Nice kitty," he cooed the cat. However, the attempted sweet-talk from the Potions Master's lips sounded more like "Aveda Kedavra".

Naturally, the cat didn't buy it. He hissed at Snape.

The smile, that was more of a sneer anyway, vanished from his face. He tried to pull the robes from under the cat, and thus throw the creature on the floor, but the cat growled and pointed the same clawed paw at him again. Snape evaded a vicious scratch by less than an inch.

He moved one pace backwards and studied the cat.

_Merciful Merlin_, he thought, _I could swear the cat is sneering_.

The cat growled again in a very unsettling manner.

_Pull yourself together, Severus_, he ordered himself. _Are you a man or a mouse?_

Resisting the urge to squeak, he wondered if he should call for Filch. The caretaker was an avid cat-enthusiast and would know how to deal with this. On the other hand, in this way he would openly admit that he was terrorized by a cat. No way he'd allow this to be known outside his chambers.

And then the Potions Master had an epiphany. With slow movements, he took out his wand. On seeing this, the cat rose from his seated position and prepared to jump on Snape, should he dare to point the wand at him. Snape pointed the wand at a different direction, casting a summoning spell.

A bowl of tuna salad appeared on the table.

The cat looked at Snape, then at the bowl, then back at Snape, as if contemplating of how to respond. Licking his lips, the cat finally jumped off the bed and attacked the tuna salad, purring loudly.

Snape sighed in relief.

_If you can't beat them, bribe them_, he thought with a smirk.

And then, seeing the state his robes were left in, covered by tons of ginger-colored fur, the frown returned to his face.

He should rid himself of the cat as soon as possible.


	2. Easier said than done

Disclaimer: Not mine. And if you check my refrigerator, you'd know I'm not making any money of it too.

A/N: Limyaael: Thanks for the review. Yes, there is a magic explanation of how Gingerhead passed through the wards. In a later chapter. I think Snape deducts points from Slytherin during the Yule Ball at GoF. The rose bush incident...

Mimine: Yes, I'm evil. If my clothing is covered with orange fur, then so should Snape's. Thanks for the review.

Dupadi, angels reflection, shadowycat and Averil: I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the reviews.

****

CHAPTER 2: Easier said than done.

As the cat was devouring his treat with large gulps, Snape slowly approached him. He was eating and purring at the same time, and the Potions Master couldn't help but wonder why wasn't he choking. As he reached the table the cat was seated on, he turned and looked at him with large, yellow eyes, momentarily abandoning his meal. He graced Snape with an annoyed stare and returned to his food.

Snape carefully reached out to examine the cat's collar. To his surprise, the cat did not resist, but kept cleaning the bowl in large gulps. As he slid the collar sideways, he read the name "Gingerhead" on it. On the opposite side of the round medal it said "Proud member of Slytherin".

The cat belonged to one of his students? This was very unusual. Slytherins usually fancied other familiars like snakes or toads.

And the name of the cat's owner was not written on the collar.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

That's because we cats don't have owners, you imbecile. We have servants.

Thank you for the treat. You would make a fair house elf. But please keep your clothes on. My poor eyes couldn't hold the excitement.

I'm still hungry. I wonder if I could intimidate him for more. Oh, well, perhaps later.

Look at him wondering why my collar says "Slytherin". Believe it or not, I'm a member of your House. The Sorting Hat was very clear on this. Especially when it saw my claws. 

I can't believe it dared to suggest I should be sorted into Gryffindor. The fact that their insignia includes a lion is a pitiful coincidence. My huge male cousins are anything but valiant creatures. They sleep all day, stealing their mates' prey. They are lousy hunters as well. By the time they move one paw, the prey animals have galloped miles away. Not to mention that dreadful mane. Perfect for camouflage, come to think of it. They can be spotted from miles away. On the other hand, when confronted by the equally stupid human males who dare challenge them, guess who gets eaten despite popular myths. Hence the misconception of the lion's bravery.

No, thank you. I'm not that stupid. And I'm a damn good hunter. Too bad that bird next to the Sorting Hat decided to burst to flames instead of becoming my dinner. Now I have to wait until it builds some meat on its drumsticks.

However, I must admit I'm a lousy gambler. I will never let Peeves trick me into another 'dare' contest again. Now I have to live in the company of this bipedal for a week.

I wonder of what species he is.

He looks like a bat, but he's way too big. And bats have little cute -and tasty- noses, while this one is equipped with a beak. Could he be a bird? And then where is his plumage?

No, Gingerhead, face it. You're stuck with a human again.

But he certainly doesn't smell as one.

~*~

Snape tried to figure out how he could rid himself of the cat. As the cat finished his cleaning ritual, licking his face and paws with a huge tongue, he jumped off the table and stretched. And then it walked to the closed door and turned to look at him.

__

Finally, he thought. _That blasted cat is leaving_.

He opened the door and waited for the cat to go out. He did not. He sniffed the air, moved one pace while checking the new surroundings and then walked back inside. Snape restrained a kick that came naturally, remembering Fluffy's bite a year ago. And if he got scratched, he'd never dare to ask Filch for his aid now.

The cat was still looking outside, but made no move. Snape felt unbelievably stupid, serving as a doorman to a cat.

"Fine. Have it your way," he growled and shut the door, admitting his defeat.

He changed into his nightshirt under the inquisitive stare of the cat and fell into bed, thinking he needed a new pair of dragonhide gloves to handle his visitor.

When the cat jumped on the bed and starting kneading his buttocks, he realized he needed dragonhide breeches as well.

***********************************************************************************

Gingerhead wants a review. Displease him at your own risk.


	3. To sleep perchance to dream

A/N: Thank you all for your reviews!

SybilantSybil: My thoughts exactly. Snape could use more color in his life. But not that much...

Limyaael: The cat/hat scene was inspired by your comment. I hope you'll approve.

Shadowycat: More on the background history of how Gingerhead invaded Hogwarts in later chapters. Including a guest appearance from Peeves.

Dupadi: Speak the word, and I'm fed-exing you a kitten.

RivanKnight: I'm glad you like it. No more tuna today.

****

CHAPTER 3: To sleep; perchance to dream.

__

Gingerhead's POV.

I'm bored.

I want to get out of that stuffy room and venture the dungeons below. I want to hunt mice, to chase after the other castle cats who think they can take over my territory and perhaps get lucky with one of those cute females I spotted on my way here. But instead of having fun fighting and procreating, I have to tolerate the presence of that snoring biped.

Oh, my poor ears! I should have guessed. With such a trunk decorating his face, the sound could only fit the size. Not to mention he smells funny. He smells as if he had been dipped headfirst to a bubbling cauldron. 

What does he use on his hair, come to think of it? Mayonnaise?

And now I need to pee. And there's no litterbox in sight.

~*~

Snape was started from his sleep from the sound of a demanding mewing in his ear. Mumbling something like "_cruciatus is much too merciful_", he kicked Gingerhead off the bed and turned over, pressing his pillow over his head.

He should have never done that.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

How dare you?

The only thing you had to do was to summon a litterbox. Now you'll suffer the consequences.

I'll use your bathtub as my toilet. 

Although I suspect you never use it anyway.

~*~

When Snape got up, he headed stumbling for the bathroom to wash his eyes open. But before his eyes could witness the dirty deed, his nostrils intercepted a horrible smell. Staring wide-eyed the recycled remains of the cat's dinner, he couldn't help wondering if this animal was indeed a cat. 

How on Merlin's name had _that_ come out of the cat? A cow, perhaps. A cat, unlikely. And yet true.

Sighing, he returned to his bedroom to dress for the day. The house elves could clean up the mess later. And then he saw that all of his black clothes were covered in cat fur.

After the third cleaning spell, the fur was still present. Less, but still there. Thinking of razorblades and shaving foam, he dressed up and left for the Main Hall.

Gingerhead followed right behind him.

As Snape took his place among the other teachers, he saw that the Headmaster was tapping his fingers on the table, looking really annoyed. And then Gingerhead jumped up and started to drink water from his cup.

"Severus," he heard Dumbledore say on a firm voice, "get your cat off the table."

"It's not my cat," he protested.

"Then why does he rub his head against your shoulder?" the Headmaster replied coldly.

Snape was speechless from the unexpected expression of affection. And then he saw the glitter in the cat's eyes.

__

This is War.

"Your pet," continued Dumbledore, "sneaked into my office, Merlin knows how, intimidated poor Fawkes enough to get him burning and then sat on the Sorting Hat. The poor thing is still covered with fur and it will take me a lot of time and energy to restore it to its previous condition."

Snape stared at Gingerhead who had started to wash his privates right on the teachers' table.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

It's not my fault if your Hat is not house-trained. 

It dared to mock me, saying I would look ridiculous if I wore a hat. So I showed it how ridiculous it would look if it wore a cat.

It wasn't laughing when I flattened it. And then it finally decided to sort me into my House.

As for wearing stupid hats, I think your boss could easily win the first prize. Next time, I'll be shredding one of these.

Whoa! What's that?

By Merlin's beard, she's a fox!

~*~

Filch had just stepped inside the Main Hall with Mrs. Norris in his arms. When she saw Gingerhead, she jumped off and walked closer to the teachers' table. 

In a similar way, Gingerhead walked to her.

In great embarrassment, Snape watched the two cats sniffing each other's private parts in the middle of the Hall.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Hello there!

What is a cute kitty like you doing in a place like this?

Do you want to groom my tail?

Do you want me to groom your whiskers?

Will you come home with me to, ahem, show you my collection of rat tails?

~*~

A very angry Filch picked up a screaming Mrs. Norris. The cat tried to escape his grasp and return to her admirer, but in vain.

Before exiting the Main Hall, Filch stared at Snape in the most poisonous way.

"Keep your perverted monster away from my angel!" he howled.

"But it's not my cat," the Potions Master protested, sinking deeper in his seat.

And Gingerhead jumped up again and sat purring on his lap.


	4. Fire burn and cauldron bubble

Author's notes: Chapter inspired from one of Papilio's reviews. Gingerhead in Potions class....

Thanks you all for your reviews!

Angelica: Gingerhead will be happy to date you. If Mrs. Norris allows him to do so, that is...

****

CHAPTER 4: Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

Severus Snape was in the classroom. Double potions class with the annoying second-years of Gryffindor and Slytherin. If the presence of the always infuriating boy-that-lived and his sidekicks weren't bad enough, he had to endure the presence of that menace of a cat. The cat in question was seated on the edge of his desk, watching with great interest the students below. And Snape felt the urge to push him off once more, especially straight inside a boiling cauldron.

__

Why don't you go and sit next to Longbottom? Snape thought, and a venomous grin curled the corners of his mouth. 

Gingerhead ignored him, but Snape's expression did not go unnoticed by the rest of the classroom, as a shiver traveled among the students. The Potions Master was in a foul mood today. Gathering all of his willpower, he forced himself to concentrate in teaching.

"Today we are going to brew a Feeblemind potion," his deep voice echoed in the cold room. "This is a potion that imitates the effects of a well-known goblin curse, which results in a dramatic reduction of the victim's intelligence, and thus forcing them to behave as the village idiot. Much like most of my past and present students, if I may add." He paused for a minute and his eyes inspected his audience to see if everyone was paying attention. Of course, they were. "The ingredients," he continued, "are listed on the blackboard. As soon as you finish, label your brews and place them on the testing table. Sampling will follow, although even with a successful potion I doubt there will be any results, given the standards of the classroom," he added with a sneer.

Gingerhead watched with great interest as the students began to follow Snape's instructions. He was wagging his tail impatiently, undecided of how to react. And the frantic moves of his long tail caused havoc on Snape's desk, as papers and quills went flying on the floor. And Gingerhead went after a quill, forgetting he was not a kitten anymore but a huge adult cat of significant weight. As he jumped off the desk, using his powerful hind legs to cover the distance to the rogue quill, the heavy piece of furniture rocked back and forth in a very unsettling manner and Snape hurried to steady it and prevent a new disaster. 

Of course, none of this had escaped the students' eyes. A few giggles were heard, but they were all silenced from an icily stare from his dark eyes. And then he turned and scowled at the cat that was happily chewing on his quill.

"Go and make yourself useful, will you?" he ordered the cat. _Go catch a rat. Go annoy Lockhart. Go play with Mrs. Norris- oh, wait, not that, Filch will kill me if he sees that blasted cat on top of his own furred monster._

Naturally, Gingerhead ignored him and continued to chew on the quill.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Yummy feather.

Now, where's the rest of the bird? I can't dine on a single feather, can I?

Let's see... Perhaps one of these children is making chicken stew. 

Not this one. Neither this one. Oh, brother, what are they cooking? These cauldrons stink! I can't believe they are wasting those pickled frog legs in that foul brew. Oh, well, I'll guess I'll have to eat them raw.

Now I feel better. Is there any more?

~*~

"Professor Snape, sir, your cat ate my pickled toad legs," Weasley's voice was heard and forced Snape to raise his eyes from the papers he had been grading.

"Five points from Gyffindor, Mr. Weasley, for not being more careful with your ingredients and your brew," Snape hissed. Perhaps that cat would be fun, after all.

"What?" Ron was shocked. "Your cat ate them and _I _get punished?"

"It's not my cat, Mr. Weasley, and I suspect you have detention cravings," Snape warned him. But Ron wouldn't give up.

"If I eat Malfoy's toad legs, will you deduct points from Slytherin as well?" He asked.

"Have you been sampling your brew already, Weasley?" Snape asked. "Because you certainly sound as if you have." _Ah, the infamous Gryffindor bravery... Gryffindor stupidity was more like it_. But his thoughts were interrupted by Longbottom's voice.

"Sir, your cat has stuck his head inside one of your jars."

In horror, Snape saw a panicked Gingerhead moving his head sideways, trying to shake off the jar he had stuck his head in. In his frantic attempts, he knocked off several other jars and containers from the shelves. The sound of breaking glass filled the classroom, along with the mixed smell of several ingredients spilled on the floor. Snape ran and tried to catch Gingerhead and free his head, but in vain. The cat hissed and scratched and ran away, pushing down several boiling cauldrons in his escape route. Steam and a horrid stench filled the air, along with the cries of a few students who had burned their hands in an attempt to steady their brews.

Cursing inside him, Snape went after the cat. But he slipped on the spilled brews and fell down, landing on his behind in the most undignified way for the Potions Master. An expression of pain appeared on his face for a brief moment, but he instantly pushed it back. There was no way in Hell he'd let anyone else know that a broken glass had penetrated his nether regions on landing.

Meanwhile, Gingerhead, pushing hard with both his hind legs, he had managed to free himself from his helmet. And he was now happily rolling over its spilled contents, the dried leaves of a perennial plant known as _Nepeta Cataria_. Or else, catnip.

At that moment, the door blasted open and the Headmaster entered the room, followed by Professor McGonagall and Filch. And while Mrs. Norris ran to join Gingerhead to the catnip party, Dumbledore was staring at the havoc before his eyes.

"Merlin's beard, what has happened in here?"

"It was Professor Snape's cat, Headmaster," Weasley was quick to reply. "He got scared and knocked over our brews."

Under Dumbledore's cold stare, and with a sharp pain from his buttocks hindering every move, Snape managed to utter one single phrase in his defense.

"But it's not my cat..."


	5. Play it again, Peeves

Author's notes and warning: Bad words and implied homosexuality ahead. Nothing graphic, though.

Peeves appears in a guest role in this chapter.

Lines between asterisks (*) represent Gingerhead's thoughts.

Dedicated to all the slashers out there.

Mimine: Gingerhead claims Snape's nether regions as his private playground. Cross him at your own risk.

Limyaael: I'm glad you are enjoying this. I hope Peeves is in character as well.

RivanKnight: Me, torturing Snape? Definitely not!

Songbreeze Swifteye: Innocent kitty? Gingerhead? Right.

Mavidian: Thanks for the review! Catfight in the nest chapter.

Shadowycat: That's a horrid thought about Gingerhead! But yes, it's close to Snape's thoughts, I fear...

Labrisa, Papilio and Meow: Gingerhead thanks you for your reviews.

****

CHAPTER 5: Play it again, Peeves.

Severus Snape left the classroom and headed for the staff room, hoping that the blasted cat would not track him down there. And if he did, perhaps one of the other teachers would draw his attention. Just around the corner, his hopes were reduced in half.

*_Hello. Where are we going?_ *

"Go away," Snape hissed and moved on. 

Naturally, the cat followed him. But his troubles hadn't even started. A few feet away, he heard Peeves' mocking voice.

"Good evening, Professor Snape. Have you sat on anything ...interesting lately?"

Snape blushed, feeling the stitches on his nether regions sting in a very annoying way. It had taken him a while before deciding to see the medi-witch about his problem and by that time, the use of a healing spell would do more harm than good. And now he had to endure the inconvenience of the traditional healing methods for two days before a spell could end his suffering.

Obviously, Peeves had found out. And he begun to sing.

"_Snape had a little problem,_

One he could not confess.

From kitty claws and broken glass,

His buttocks were a mess."

"Get lost, Peeves," he spat, clenching his teeth. 

Completely unimpressed, the poltergeist floated around him.

"Hello, Gingerhead," he said.

*_Hi, Peeves_, * replied the cat. And although Snape could not hear the cat's reply, he stopped on his tracks when he heard Peeves addressing the cat.

"Do you know this cat?" he inquired, with a murderous glow in his eyes.

"Never saw him before tonight," Peeves lied.

Snape crossed his arms on his chest. "Of course."

"Oh, Severus, why are you so cranky tonight?" asked Peeves in an annoyingly sweet voice. "Haven't you been sleeping well?"

*_He has been sleeping perfectly well. On the other hand, I haven't. He snores like a Hungarian Horntail with a sinus infection_, * said Gingerhead.

Peeves cackled and begun to sing again. 

"_Hey, Snape has a lovely nose,_

And as the legend really goes,

Although he lacks the 'tools' in bed,

His snore can wake up the dead."

"I do not snore," replied the Potions Master. 

*_Yes, you do,_ * said Gingerhead.

Then the hysterical laughter from Peeves made Snape realize that he had objected to the wrong verse of the rude song.

"I'm calling the Bloody Baron," Snape warned Peeves. "And if that menace of a cat doesn't leave me in peace, I'll throw him to the Giant Squid in the lake."

*_Does the squid know that? I hope not. I haven't eaten seafood in ages_, * thought Gingerhead.

"Professor, if I were you, I wouldn't threaten Gingerhead so carelessly," said Peeves in a grim voice.

"Why?" Asked Snape with a sneer. "Is he going to shed on me until I suffocate?"

"Perhaps he will," said Peeves and began to sing another obscene song.

"_Cat fur on your clothes,_

Cat fur on your hair,

Cat fur in your eyes, 

Cat fur everywhere.

Cat fur on your robes,

Cat fur in your class,

Cat fur down your throat, 

Cat fur UP YOUR ASS!"

And he flew around laughing hysterically once more.

And now Snape was really annoyed.

"Peeves, last warning. Get lost and take this cat with you, or you will both be sorry," he hissed.

*_Peeves, please. I won't survive another night with this creature,_ * pleaded Gingerhead. *_Call off the bet_. *

"No way, kitty," cackled the poltergeist. "You and the Potions Master will be sharing the same bed for a week."

"A week?" Snape asked in shock.

*_Why? Were you expecting anyone else to visit your bed in the meantime? By your hair and your smell, I seriously doubt that_. *

"Why, Severus?" Peeves' mocking voice echoed in the dark corridor. "This kitty here is the best action your bed has seen in ages."

Snape blushed once more, as he remembered the way Peeves used to make fun of him in the past, proclaiming before the entire school that he was involved to several homosexual affairs. And this was the last thing he needed right now.

"Bloody Baron!" he cried out. _Where is that blasted ghost when you need him?_

Too late. Peeves started singing again, in a slow tune that could very well be a love song.

"_For so many nights, Snape has slept all alone,_

Deep in the dungeon he now calls his home.

Craving the strong grip of his lost lover's arms,

He misses the pleasures of other mens' charms.

When he finally felt a tongue on his butt,

He cursed in frustration: It belonged to a cat!"

"Enough!" the Potions Master cried out and reached for his wand. 

Peeves cackled once more and Gingerhead was watching everything with great interest. At that moment, the Bloody Baron came in the scene and Peeves vanished into the darkness of the castle. Snape, exhausted, sat down on the cold floor and hid his face in his hands. Gingerhead walked over and licked his fingers that still smelled of the spilled catnip.

"Professor, your cat seems to love you a lot," he noted with interest.

Snape looked at the ghost with bloodshot eyes.

"But he's not my cat."


	6. That time of the month

****

A/N: Longest chapter so far. After popular demand, Gingerhead leaves Snape in peace for a while.

Introducing another original character of mine, Sparky the Sparrow.

Gingerhead is not going to meet Snuffles or Crookshanks, as this story is set during CoS. He'll meet Fangs, though. And Gilderoy...

Gingerhead belongs to no one. Don't let him hear you suggest otherwise...

Limyaael, shadowycat, Songbreeze Swifteye, Elliot, Misst, Evermind, Papilio, Corgi, Bahamut, HH Hermione, thank you all for your reviews.

A note: Despite Peeves' singing, Snape is not gay in my story. Not in this, not in any of my other stories. Peeves just likes to tease him. And so do I.

****

CHAPTER 6: That time of the month.

"And stay out!"

The door to Snape's dungeon closed with a loud bang and Gingerhead was left standing in the cold corridor, hardly believing his eyes. He mewed and scratched at the closed door asking to be let back inside, but the Potions Master ignored him.

After a while, the cat finally gave up, turned around and walked away.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

He tricked me.

I don't believe this. He tricked me.

I knew I shouldn't fall for the valerian root again, but what can I say? I'm an addict.

I was only bound to run after the root he threw out of the door. 

Oh, well. Let him have his nap. I'll get back to him tonight.

Meanwhile, how can a cute guy like me have fun around this castle? 

I know! A stroll in the gardens. A romantic place and with luck I might see that cutie again, hopefully without her obsessive human. 

Hello!

Who are you? You smell nice! Any food for a starving kitty?

~*~

Madame Sprout raised her eyes from the warm soil she had been working on, planting the autumn bulbs and weeding the marigolds. She saw a huge orange cat purring loudly, eager to rub his head against her hand.

"Hello, kitty," she said with a smile. "You're Snape's cat, right? What's the matter, handsome? Hasn't Severus been feeding you enough?"

The cat replied with a loud, demanding mew.

"Let me see," said the plump woman, searching her pockets. "Here it is, kitty. Half a tuna sandwich, all that's left from my snack. Help yourself," she said and offered Gingerhead the sandwich. 

Luckily for her, her reflexes were still good and she managed to retrieve her hand with all fingers intact. With a hint of suspicion in her eyes, she glanced at the cat before returning to her work. After sometime, she finally managed to plant all fifty bulbs. As she stood up to inspect her work, she saw in shock that the bulbs had been dug out and Gingerhead was looking at her with a proud expression in his yellow eyes. Before she could scold the cat, he walked in the middle of the fresh soil, dug a hole and used it as a toilet.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

What? What did I do now?

I thought we were playing 'hide and seek'. You hide the bulbs, I seek them out.

See? All fifty of them are out of the ground. Now, where's my reward? I haven't soiled my glorious fur for nothing, you know.

Any more food? No?

OK, so I'll get my own snack.

Hey, mister sparrow, do you want to check my teeth for fillings?

~*~

__

Sparrow Sparky's POV.

Oh, brother, it's that cat again. First I have to dodge the owls, then that blasted cat.

Get lost, creep!

~*~

Kneeling back on the ground with frustration clouding her face, Madame Sprout failed to notice the wagging tail and the focused expression of the assaulting cat. Gingerhead locked on the flying target, put all of his strength on his hind legs, and leaped in the air. Of course, the bird was far away by then. Gingerhead landed among the marigolds, panicked and clawed his way out, much to Sprout's despair who saw her beautiful flowers being shredded to a salad.

Gingerhead walked out, shook his fur free of flowers and checked the air above.

Naturally, Sparky flew low once more, unable to resist the opportunity to tease the cat.

Gingerhead jumped again, only this time he used Sprout's back as an accelerator to gain height. The witch cried out as she felt his sharp claws shredding her back and her robe, but the cat had already jumped on the branches of a nearby pine tree and from there on the castle walls.

Sparky kept teasing him and Gingerhead followed him across the highest places of Hogwarts, until he could not go higher. To his despair, the sparrow _could_ go higher and flew away leaving him on top of a remote tower.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

When will I learn to follow my mind and not my stomach?

If I get that bird on my claws, I'll make him really sorry for this.

On the other hand, this is a great view.

What are those people doing down there?

Broomsticks? They learn how to fly?

I wonder if I can do that... After all, my sense of balance is far superior than this of the bipeds. And then Sparky won't have a chance.

I wonder if I can get their attention. If one of them comes to my rescue, I can, ahem, borrow the broomstick and track down that damn bird.

Hello!

~*~

Ginny Weasley raised her head, alerted by the sound of a cat in distress. With horror in her eyes, she addressed the flying instructor.

"Madame Hooch, that poor kitty is trapped up there on the tower!"

"Isn't that Snape's cat?" asked Colin Creevy.

"Perhaps the poor cat is trying to get away from Snape and hid up there," said Ginny again. "Merlin knows what kind of tortures he puts the cat through."

"Ms. Weasley, I'm sure that Professor Snape would never torture an innocent, defenseless cat," said Hooch with a stern voice. "Don't worry, I'll get the cat down in a minute." 

Mounting her broomstick, Madame Hooch rose in the air and flew to Gingerhead. After a moment of hesitation, the cat walked in her arms, under the cheers of the first-year Gryffindors below. As she began her descend, Sparky made another low pass. Gingerhead moved out to catch him, Hooch reached out to catch Gingerhead and lost control of her broom. At the last minute, she managed to steady herself on the broomstick, while a panicked Gingerhead was mewing in horror, clawing her chest and neck.

Bloodied, she finally landed on solid ground and the cat jumped off the broomstick, sat on his back, raised his leg and began to wash his privates.

Only then did Hooch notice the stinking wetness on her robes. 

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

I was not scared.

I just have a weak bladder.

I don't see why you make such a fuss.

But I suppose I can't borrow your broomstick now. Or can I?

OK, don't shout. I'll go back inside.

~*~

Gingerhead, hungry and bored, entered the staff room and walked to the fireplace, looking forward to a nap before dinner.

However, the sleeping form of a silver tabby cat caught his eye.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Hello there!

What is a nice kitty like you doing in a place like this?

Oh, you smell nice!

Here, sniff my behind.

Do you want to play doctor with me?

Of course you do. Why wouldn't you?

~*~

Severus Snape woke from his nap by a persistent knocking on the door. Mumbling curses, he threw his robes over his "Go, Slytherin!" T-shirt and matching briefs and went to answer the door. And he found himself face to face with a very angry Madame Sprout.

"Snape, restrain your cat, or you'll find yourself with a bad case of poison ivy rush on your scrawny behind!"

Still not fully awake, Snape could only stare at her.

"What? What cat?" he finally managed to say.

And then Hooch came from around the corner, equally angry.

"Snape, if you don't do something about that cat, by Merlin's beard, you'll wake up one day with my broomstick up your-"

Before she could finish her threat, McGonagall's voice was heard from some distance.

"Severus Snape!"

__

What is this? Snape thought, completely confused. _An infectious case of PMS?_

When Minerva came into vision, the other two women saw in horror that her always tidy hair was a mess, her face and hands were full of scratches and a terrified expression had twisted her features. Gingerhead came right behind her, mewing affectionately.

"Snape, your cat, he tried to-" Her voice broke. "He tried to-" But she never finished her phrase. Her voice broke once more and she hid her face in her hands, completely humiliated.

Snape looked at Gingerhead, who rubbed his head against his leg. _Minerva's animagi form? Of all the cats in the castle, you had to make a pass at her?_

Sprout embraced McGonagall's trembling shoulders, as they started to walk away to comfort her.

"Wait until the Headmaster hears of this, Snape," Hooch warned him. "I'll see that both you and your cat get fixed!"

"How many times do I have to say this?" Snape shouted in despair. "He's not my cat!"

Gingerhead ignored him and entered his dungeon through the open door, making himself at home.

*****************************************************************************************************

Gingerhead wants a review. Tell him how much you love him.


	7. Nightly grooming rituals

****

Author's notes: Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed! Gingerhead treasures each and every one of your comments as much as tuna. Well, almost...

In this chapter: Snape has an epiphany and Gingerhead meets Lockhart.

Gingerhead will meet Fang and Malfoy in the next chapter, most probably. And Sparky the sparrow will probably return as well. And Dumbledore... 

****

CHAPTER 7: Nightly grooming rituals.

Severus Snape was seated behind his desk, trying to read an ancient grimoire of brews and potions. For some reason, he was certain that one of the recipes in this old book was of great importance. However, with that cat seated on the desk, staring at him with his huge, yellow eyes, his mind had difficulty to focus.

Sighing, he turned another page. The cat lifted one huge paw and turned one more page. Scowling, Snape returned to the page he was in before the cat's intervention. As soon as he had read the first couple of lines, the cat turned the page again. Staring sideways to locate his wand, Snape felt the onset of yet another headache. He glanced at the cat with his dark eyes, warning him.

"If you do this one more time, I'll give you to Fang," he said dryly. 

Gingerhead sat on the desk, lifted his hind leg and began to wash his privates.

Uncertain of weather this response was an insult or not, Snape returned to his reading. But before he would turn to the previous page, his eyes were hooked by the title of the chapter in front of him.

__

Dr. Doolittle's brew for animal communication. 

A special brew for unlocking the secrets of your pet's mind.

This was exactly what he had been looking for! He went through the list of ingredients with excitement. Most of them were already in store, but for a few he would have to make a short trip to Diagon Alley. And then another thought crossed his mind and he raised his eyes to the cat that was happily chasing his tail on top of his desk, throwing parchments and quills to the floor, acting like a frisky kitten and not a full grown cat. 

"I don't suppose you can read, do you?" he asked the cat.

Gingerhead looked up, ceased his chasing and stared back at the Potion's Master. And mewed loudly.

Snape had no need of the brew to understand the cat's request. He had obviously said, "feed me".

"I am not going to feed you again," he replied and shut the book. "You ate your supper half an hour ago, fat, orange house-elves' nightmare." And he stood up, heading for his bedchamber. 

Tomorrow, he would make the short trip to Diagon Alley. And he had no doubt that the cat would follow him there.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

I am not fat! I'm just heavy boned.

Where's my after supper snack? I'm starving here!

What do you mean I ate half an hour ago? Do you know how long that is in feline time?

You're pathetic. Yes, please give me to Fang. Hagrid won't let me near him anymore.

Of course I can read. But you have nothing of interest in your library. What do I care about brews and potions and the illustrated atlas of the mating habits of the mermaids? Rita Skeeter's column is much more fun. I wonder if an anonymous tip from me with Peeves' songs about your bedtime habits will make it to the front page.

Wake up, will you? I'm bored. Wake up and play with me! And, since you're up, give me my snack as well.

~*~

As soon as he had dozed off, Snape felt a paw nudging his nose. He slapped it away, but the paw returned with claws this time. He rolled over, pressed his pillow over his head and kicked the cat off the bed.

"Go annoy someone else, will you?"

The cat jumped back up, embraced Snape's leg and began to kick him with four sets of claws. Snape screamed and shook his leg, but the cat wouldn't let go.

"Leave me alone, yellow-eyed monster! Go annoy Lockhart," he cried out. To his surprise, the cat released his grip and stared at him. "If you torture Lockhart for this night and leave me alone, I'll feed you all the tuna you can stomach," he promised.

Much to his surprise, the cat waltzed away.

It didn't came to him until later; somehow, the cat had left his quarters without anyone opening the door for him.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Don't make any promises you are unable to keep, smelly little human. I can stomach a LOT of tuna. But I'll take your offer.

Now, where was that guy's quarters?

Perhaps I should just follow my nose. I don't think anyone else smells like a flower fairy in this castle. 

I wonder if he tastes like one too.

~*~

Gilderoy Lockhart was brushing his long, wavy hair before his mirror, entranced by his reflection. A hundred strokes before bed, to keep it shiny and silky. Suddenly, he felt something against his leg. He looked down and saw a huge orange cat rubbing against him. 

__

Isn't this Snape's cat? He thought and frowned, fearing that the Potions Master had sent his familiar in order to torment him. And then he remembered that frowning leads to wrinkles and calmed his face. The cat looked up and mewed at him. And then he fell on the floor, rolling over, purring loudly.

"Nice kitty," he cooed the cat and reached down to scratch the exposed belly. The cat appeared to be harmless. Perhaps he just had an overactive imagination, seeing plots everywhere.

Gingerhead stood up and jumped on the dresser. Lockhart continued to brush his hair, as the cat sniffed every jar and vial. With his attention turned to the strokes of the brush, he failed to see the huge orange paw that played with his night cream. When he saw it, it was too late. Gingerhead had thrown the jar off the dresser, shattering the fragile vessel to a million pieces. In a blink of an eye, a perfume bottle and his eye serum met the same fate. 

Frustrated, Gilderoy left his brush down and reached for his wand, trying to cast a cleaning spell. It failed and splattered the debris further. Thinking that the house elves would take care of that, he turned to look at the cat again. In horror, he saw him rubbing his head against his brush. He pushed the cat aside and saw his grooming tool covered by orange fur.

"Go away, kitty. Go play with Mrs. Norris. Go to your master and leave me alone," he said rather annoyed and began to clean up his brush. Gingerhead jumped off the dresser and Lockhart sighed in relief. 

After a while, having finished his grooming ritual, thinking that the cat had finally left, he stood up and walked to his bed. And the sight before him filled his eyes with tears of rage. Gingerhead had sneaked inside his closet, had thrown most of his robes on the floor and he was now peacefully resting on the crumbled pile that used to be his elegant clothes. The cat raised his hind leg and scratched his ear, and a cloud of orange hairs appeared and was added to the shed fur on his fine robes. And then he began to knead the delicate fabric, tearing up the embroidery with his sharp claws. Furious, he took out his wand and aimed at the cat.

As soon as he mumbled a curse, Gingerhead jumped up and climbed on top of the closet. The spell, which was successful this time, hit the pile of clothes and turned them to ashes. Lockhart aimed at the cat again, and Gingerhead made a fast leap to the rich frame of the portrait next to the door and the spell hit the closet, turning it to a pile of shredded wood. And as Gingerhead sneaked through the door to the dark corridors outside, Gilderoy's last spell incinerated the painting.

__

Of all the times, this had to be the one that my spells actually worked, the wizard thought in utter distress. 

He sat down on the edge of his bed, and hid his face in his hands. The state his room was in made him want to cry like a child. And when he realized that he had nothing left to wear the next day, the tears flowed freely down his face.

The Potions Master would pay for this. And so would his cat.

~*~

Walking through the dark hallways back to Snape's dungeon, with his thoughts filled with tuna dreams, Gingerhead ran across Peeves.

"Doing your master's dirty work, kitty?" Peeves teased him. 

"He's not my master, annoying specter," Gingerhead darted back. "He's just my temporary tuna provider," he added and trotted away to demand his reward from the oblivious Potions Master.


	8. Gingerhead goes south

****

A/N: Apologies for the delayed chapters. And many thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I'm happy you thought that my portrayal of Lockhart was accurate.

In this chapter: The never-ending struggle between cats and dogs. Gingerhead and Fang meet again. And I can't write Hagrid talk. So bare with me.

__

The cat who walks alone: A line tribute to Kipling.

****

CHAPTER 8: Gingerhead goes south.

Severus Snape rolled over in his bed, happy that it was Saturday. No imbecile students or annoying colleagues would bother him today. He had planned a trip to London to spend some quality time with his most favorite person: himself. As sleep's fog left his mind, the first of his senses that was awakened was his smell. Pushing back the locks of hair that fell over his eyes, he reclined to his side and saw the orange cat lying on the floor, belly up and heavily breathing. And scattered on his dungeon floor there were traces of thrown up food. And judging by the stench, the bathroom would be in a far worse state. Sighing, he waved his wand mumbling a cleaning spell and the floor was restored to its previous immaculate state.

Gingerhead mewed pathetically, but did not move. 

"I have warned you. Now, suffer, orange menace," he hissed and walked to the bathroom.

The situation was indeed worse in there. Cursing through his clenched teeth, Snape cast another cleaning spell. That cat had actually devoured eight bowls of tuna salad the previous night. If today he suffered from indigestion or, even better, food poisoning, he was perfectly happy. At least he would leave him alone for the day.

Feeling better by this thought, he began to get ready for his day out.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Oh, my aching tummy!

Come hear and comfort me, you worthless human! Can't you see that I'm dying here? I need my tummy rubbed, my ears scratched and my fur groomed.

No? Well, then you are worth of every bit of the little 'something' I left in your shoes.

Stop smirking, will you? It was NOT the tuna. It was the vegetables in that accursed salad. I'm a carnivore, for crying out loud, not a sheep. My major food groups include meat, poultry, fish, flowers and book pages. Lettuce and carrots are not in any of these groups. Were you trying to poison me?

Oh, if I get the house elf that made this in my claws...

Hey, I'm sick! Where are you going? Come back here and pet me!

~*~

Severus Snape closed the dungeon door behind him and headed for Hogsmead where he could dissaparare safely to Diagon Alley. In his path the corridors were clear of students, as everyone made sure not to lose any points from their Houses due to the foul mood of the Potions Mater.

As soon as he reached Hagrid's hut, he momentarily stopped his walk to ask the half-giant if he had seen any black hyacinths blooming in the Forbidden Forest yet. The flower essence of this rare plant had certain mystical qualities very useful to his work. Just as he was about to leave Hagrid, he heard a familiar sound behind him.

__

Of course. That monster must have more than nine lives.

"Hello kitty," said Hagrid and Fang stood up to greet the cat. However, as soon as cat and dog locked eyes, Fang began to tremble and hid behind Hagrid.

Snape watched the incident with increased interest.

"Do you know this cat, Rubeus?" he asked in a silky voice. 

"Oh, yes, Professor," Hagrid was quick to reply. "I found him outside the 'Three Broomsticks' sometime ago. Poor thing, he seemed to be so starved that I offered to buy him lunch. Bless his soul, that kitty can eat two times like Fang here."

Snape looked at the cat's huge yellow eyes and snickered.

__

Ah, but we both know you have your limits, don't we?

Gingerhead lied on the lawn, raised his hind leg and began to wash his privates. And Snape turned his attention to Hagrid again.

"So, if I understood well, you are responsible for this little creature coming to Hogwarts." His voice was icy cold; he could have well accused him of bringing Armageddon.

"Well, Professor, you see, the poor thing followed me all the way from Hogsmead. It was evident that he longed for a family and a home, and I was sincerely hoping he would stay with me. But then there was that incident with Fang here..." Hagrid stopped his tale to pet the cowering dog behind him.

"What incident?" asked Snape, curious.

Hagrid stared back at him for a long moment, not sure if he should tell him more.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Yes, I'm still alive. Disappointed?

And guess what? I'm hungry. Feed me.

Oh, hello, Hagrid.

Hello, doggy. Do you want to see my claws again? I think you missed one the last time.

That's right, hide behind your master, dog.

I am the cat who walks alone and I need no home or human to control me.

Just lots of tuna and a Potions Master to serve as my scratching post.

~*~

"You see, Professor Snape," he started, "it was a chilly night about two weeks ago. We had just finished our supper and we were looking forward to dozing off before a nice fire. That kitty had licked his plate clean, then ate my leftovers and stole Fang's remaining food. Poor Fang is an angel, so he let the starving kitty to have it without raising a single objection. But then Gingerhead walked over and curled on Fang's favorite spot in front of the fireplace." Hagrid turned to look at the trembling dog behind him.

Snape looked at Gingerhead who was innocently chasing his tail. 

__

Save it for Hagrid. You can't fool me, cat.

"Fang has a kind heart, but I fear he's not very bright, Professor," he continued. "He looked at the napping cat in front of the fireplace, then looked at me, then at the cat again, as if trying to make up his mind. Then he tried to push him slightly to the side with his paw, so that they could both share the warmth." He paused again and looked at Fang's wet eyes. "You shouldn't have done that, stupid dog," he said tenderly.

Snape could very well guess what had happened next. The past few days had taught him a lot about feline intelligence and motives.

"When kitty felt Fang's paw, he jumped up and hissed and spat as if the Dark Lord had suddenly walked in. Fang tried to apologize by licking the cat's face. And that was another thing he shouldn't have done. Gingerhead jumped up and hooked himself on Fang's face with all four sets of claws. Blinded by fear and pain, Fang tried to shake him off, but in vain. Then he began to run blindly in my hut and cause havoc in his path. In the end, almost everything was shattered or damaged, poor Fang was bleeding from all over his face and that cat was blissfully sleeping before the fireplace, purring. The next day I took him into the castle, hoping that he would find friends among the other cats." He paused to stroke the dog's head. "Poor thing, he still has nightmares about it."

And Severus Snape felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

What? Let that dog to lick your face, and let me see how you like it then.

On second thought, perhaps not. If the dog licks your face, he might get food poisoning. One less dog in not much of a loss, but then Hagrid might want to adopt me in his place. And no, thanks. You haven't tried his cooking.

Are we done yet? I'm bored.

~*~

When Snape left Hogwarts with a happy Gingerhead following his lead, he feared that this day would very easily turn to a disaster. The shops of Diagon Alley were not made to handle such hazards like the cat.

On the other hand, if no one could link the cat back to him, he would be perfectly fine.

After all, it was not his cat.


	9. Tropical storm: Gingerhead

****

A/N: Apologies for the delayed chapters. And many, many thanks for your reviews.

First out of two chapters dealing with Gingerhead's adventures in Diagon Alley.

The information regarding the Diagon Alley and its shops came from the Harry Potter Lexicon.

Sparky the Sparrow makes another guest appearance.

****

CHAPTER 9: Tropical storm: Gingerhead. 

Severus Snape apparated in Diagon Alley, right outside the Flourish and Blotts bookstore. After the first moment of dizziness, he checked his surroundings. The Alley was bursting with life. People of all ages were chattering around him, checking the shop windows and enjoying the warm Saturday morning. The Potions Master looked around to see if by any chance he had evaded the cat's company.

__

No such luck.

Gingerhead mewed loudly and rubbed his head against Snape's leg, leaving a cloud of floating cat hair in his passing, all of which landed on his midnight robes. Snape fought back the sudden urge to kick the cat. No way he could get away with animal abuse with so many witnesses around. Clenching his fists, he fixed his black eyes to Gingerhead's yellow ones.

"Try and behave yourself, orange tsunami," he hissed. 

The cat mewed loudly once more. Then he stood up on his hind legs, embraced Snape's knee with his front ones and began rubbing his head against him. A passing couple of elderly witches chuckled seeing this expressing of affection. Snape cursed through clenched teeth, hoping that none of this would ever reach Hogwarts. Only then did he notice the two young witches standing outside Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions shop. They were young, rather attractive and giggling. And they were checking him out.

They were checking _him_ out. Not someone behind him, but _him_, Severus Snape. Their accent had something foreign, which could explain a lot, since he could not recall either of them as a student. And they certainly did not remember him, otherwise they would have fled by now. His ears caught fragments of muffled comments.

"...His cat certainly loves him..."

"...Men who love cats are so sensitive..."

"...He's rather cute, isn't he? On that rugged kind of type, I'd say..."

The Potions Master fought back the urge to straighten his hair, well aware that he should avoid attracting their attention to _that_. Deep inside him, he regretted not having washed his hair this week, but, again, he found no reason to change his habits for any woman's sake. Still, he couldn't feel anything but flattered by their interest. Perhaps that cat could prove to be useful, after all. He leaned closer and stroked Gingerhead's huge head. The cat gawked at him, clearly confused. And then he turned his back at him, offering a full view of his nether parts and trotted away.

"Be careful out there, kitty," he said as he watched the cat wander away. _Not that I care, but I suppose this might sound 'sensitive' enough to the ladies' ears. _

He straightened his back and approached the two witches, while the cat had vanished among the crowd.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Oh, for Merlin's sake, not another human mating ritual! And using _me_ as a bait to attract the females.

I'm insulted. And come to think of it, I'm hungry as well. Is there anything to eat around here?

Great Mother of Cats, there is! What kind of place is this? 

~*~

The huge ginger cat sat down in front of Eeylops Owl Emporium, checking out the cages above, all of them holding a bird inside. The cat fixed his yellow eyes on the unsettled birds, his tail wagging frantically back and forth, while he was licking his lips with obvious interest.

The owls screeched and fluttered inside the cages, but nothing seemed to affect the cat.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Excuse me? Anyone? Maitre? What should someone do to get some service here? I would like to order now, if you please. 

~*~

The owls shrieked louder, attracting the attention of the shop owner. And old wizard stepped out of the store to investigate the reason of his birds' nervousness. A frown appeared on his face seeing the huge cat eyeing the owls.

"That pitiful case of a witch down the Alley has lost another cat again," he mumbled. "Move along, kitty," he said louder, and clapped his hands. Gingerhead stared at him, clearly annoyed, and he reluctantly walked away.

Content, the shop owner stepped back inside.

As soon as the store's door was closed, Gingerhead returned to his spot.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

"Hello, birdie. Such lovely drumsticks you have there. Want to see my teeth?"

A huge snowy owl eyed him arrogantly. "Get lost, creep. Owls are carnivores too."

Gingerhead yawned. "Scary. Now, what about my snack?"

The owl cackled. "Come closer, and I promise you can have a bite. You are one pudgy cat, I'd say. Such juicy ribs you'd make."

Gingerhead blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I remember eating a couple of kittens, when I was younger," the owl mocked him. "Not as tasty as mice, but if one's hungry..."

"Murderer!" Gingerhead glared at the owl with open hostility.

"Fatso! What kind of species was your father? A boar, perhaps?"

"Want to see my fangs? And judge for yourself, if my father was indeed a boar."

"Get lost, orange mammal."

"Why? Will you tell your human on me again, stupid bird?"

"I have more intelligence in my rear feathers than you have in that thick head of yours, furred imbecile."

"I'm not the one behind bars, birdie."

The dispute could have continued for hours. Then another bird came in sight and perched above the caged owls. This was a sparrow; none other than Sparky.

"Oh, brother. I fly in for my daily treat of taunting the caged owls and whom do I meet? That orange menace again," Sparky sighed.

The owls beneath him were in uproar.

"Get him!"

"If only I could get my claws on you, sparrow..."

"Come here, birdie. Come share my cage, little one..."

"I'll teach you to poop on my head, critter. Just wait until I get out of here..."

Of course, Gingerhead could not stay out of the fun. He focused, his tail wagging frantically, and jumped in the air. 

~*~

The people passing outside Eeylops Owl Emporium watched in amusement a huge ginger tom leap up to the air, attempting to catch a sparrow, and landing on top of a cage housing a snowy owl. The sparrow flew away but the cat hissed and spat, trying to get his claws on the caged bird, while the owl flapped its wings and shrieked, attempting to bite off the paws that reached through the cage bars. The cage's hook could not support the combined weight of both the cat and the owl and it crashed on the pavement. Feathers, cat fur and wooden debris flew around, as the owl flew away to catch the sparrow and the cat went after the owl. 

Gingerhead leaped over wares' stands, toppled booths and stalls, throwing on the ground books, robes, quills and parchments. Distressed shop owners and clients came out of the stores yelling at the mischievous cat that was oblivious to anything but the birds. Finally, somewhere above the Apothecary, both birds rose higher to the air, far away from Gingerhead's claws.

Not giving up, the cat jumped on the black-clad wizard who was in his way, climbing on his back and standing on his shoulders, mewing desperately at the prey that got away. Severus Snape cried out by both surprise and pain, as the cat's claws were dug in his flesh. Then Gingerhead, accepting his defeat, climbed down from Snape's shoulders, leaving a trail of footprints on the once black robes. 

An enraged shop owner reached them, his face dark red and steaming.

"Would that be your cat, sir? This creature has cost me a champion snowy owl and my peace of mind," the man spat.

Before the Potions Master could deny it, one of the young witches he had been trying to woo was quick to reply.

"Well, yes, of course it's his cat. Isn't it obvious how much they love each other?"

The shop owner beamed, handing over a damage bill. Snape scowled, as a murderous twinkle danced in his eyes.

And Gingerhead rubbed his head affectionately against his leg.

__

I sincerely hope that none of this ever reaches Hogwarts, thought Snape.

No such luck.

At that precise moment, Fred and George Weasley came around the corner.


	10. Shopping, blackmailing, sneezing

****

A/N: Gingerhead meets Malfoy. 

The scene between the two is inspired by a true incident with one of my cats.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think.

****

CHAPTER 10: Shopping, blackmailing, sneezing.

For one long moment, Snape stood speechless gazing at the Weasley twins. Similarly, Fred and George were left flabbergasted by this unexpected meeting. Especially since they had been caught red-handed, carrying their supplies for the coming month, freshly bought from the Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke shop. And the Potions Master was not particularly thrilled having been seen by those two particular boys covered in cat fur and in the company of the two young witches.

Fred eyed the professor with obvious interest, his eyes darting back and forth between Snape's gloomy face and the giggling ladies two steps behind. His twin was checking his fur-covered robes and the man counting the galleons he had been paid for the cat-afflicted damage. And identical smirks appeared on the freckled faces, as the sudden realization of the infinite possibilities of jokes dawned on them. 

None of this escaped Snape's keen eyes. He approached the twins with a scowl that promised nothing good.

"George and Fred Weasley," he said in a velvety voice. "I suppose the Headmaster was authorized your visit to London today?"

They cowered just an inch. "We have a permit," said George, but his voice was not as steady.

Snape raised one black eyebrow. "Yes, Mr. Weasley, I'm certain you have one." _And an excellent forgery it would be, I'm sure_. His gaze moved to the packages they were carrying. "Doing a little Halloween shopping? Shouldn't you be working on your Potions essay instead?"

The twins frowned. "What Potions essay?"

"The one that should be on my desk first thing on Monday morning," Snape snarled. "Seven thousand words minimum, discussing the use of _aconitum napellus_ in brews for curing spell-inflicted paralysis."

"By Monday morning? But we have Quidditch practice tomorrow!"

"And?"

Fred and George exchanged a quick glance. "Professor Snape," Fred started in a low voice, "you should know that George and I have been suffering for sudden memory lapses recently."

"A most strange ailment," George added. "Madame Pomfrey has no idea what is causing it."

"Ah."

"By the time we return to school, neither of us will remember meeting you here," Fred explained, staring hopefully at the Potions Master.

Snape tried hard to keep his face straight. Those two brats were trying to offer him a deal. On the other hand, he would rather avoid any jokes made on his expense, especially from any Gryffindor. And this included the Head of their House, who had not forgotten her humiliating encounter with that accursed cat a couple of days ago. _So be it_, he thought. _As if I will ever run out of excuses for giving them detentions_.

"Now that you've mentioned it, Mr. Weasley," he said slowly, "I believe I have been suffering by a similar ailment. It is possible that I might forget the deadline for that essay for, let's say, two weeks. Am I understood?"

"Crystal clear, sir!"

He walked closer to them, fixing his dark eyes on the freckled faces. "But if any discussion of this unfortunate incident spreads around back at Hogwarts, trust me, Mr. Weasley, you will be on detention until you turn thirty," he growled. "Have I made myself clear?"

They both nodded and hurried to leave before he could change his mind.

Feeling rather pleased with himself, he turned around to continue his chat with the two ladies. Having forgotten everything about the cat, he accidentally stepped on the ginger tail that was resting right behind his feet. Gingerhhead cried out in both surprise and pain. Then he hissed and launched an attack on Snape's leg, scratching and kicking the guilty limb with all four sets of claws. It was Snape's turn to cry out in pain, shaking his leg to rid himself of the assaulting cat.

"Let go of my leg, little monster," he spat. 

It was too late when he noticed the shocked expression on the witches' faces. Before he could utter a word, they had vanished among the crowd. Cursing, he finally managed to remove the cat from his leg, well aware that he was bleeding under his clothes.

"I suppose you are happy now," he growled, glaring at the cat that was occupied in washing his fur. Pausing momentarily his grooming ritual, he graced him with an annoyed stare. 

__

At least the Weasley twins never saw that, he thought.

"Severus?" A velvet voice reached Snape's ears.

__

Of course. Turning around, he came face to face with Lucius Malfoy. 

"Lucius."

The man's gray stare moved from head to toe, clearly disapproving of the state Snape's robes were in. "You should do something about your dandruff, Severus," he teased him.

Snape scowled. "This is not dandruff, Lucius. This is..."

"Aaachooo!"

"...cat fur." The sudden sneezing from the blond man confirmed the truth of Snape's words.

And another violent fit of sneezes was added to the first one.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Of course. Blame it on the cat. The females see you for what you are, and it is my fault they fled. 

Peeves will be ecstatic when he hears of this.

And you will not be able to silence him as you did with the boys. A sleazy approach, that was. Couldn't have done it better myself, I have to admit. 

Now, what do we have here? Friend of yours?

Let's see... Black clothes, the type of which attract cat-fur like a magnet. _Perfect_.

The darkness of his attire backshades shed fur beautifully. _Perfect_.

Over-concerned disposition regarding clothes and general appearance. _Perfect_. An admirable perspective, if I may add, strictly from a feline point of view.

Having no sense of humor at all. _Perfect_.

And on top of everything, he sneezes as soon as the above-mentioned fur gets anywhere near his face_. Perfect_.

I think I'll cry. What have I done to deserve such divine favor?

~*~

Few people in the Wizarding World were aware of Malfoy's allergy. No spells or brews had ever succeeded in treating his condition, and the former Death Eater avoided being close to any cat, to be spared the humiliation.

It was not his lucky day. 

Gingerhead, like all of his kind, sensed in a blink of an eye Malfoy's sensitivity to cat fur. He rubbed his head against Malfoy's leg, leaving a thin layer of ginger hair on the expensive trousers. Then he stood on his hind legs, put his front ones on Malfoy's thigh and mewed loudly, demanding to be lifted.

Lucius replied with another fit of sneezing. And the people around them were staring openly now, some of them snickering shamelessly.

Gingerhead, seeing that his request for a hug was ignored, gathered his strength on his hind legs and jumped on Malfoy. Momentarily supporting the leap on his vest, he climbed easily on the blond man's shoulders. Panic twisted his fair features, feeling the cat's huge tongue licking his cheek, purring loudly. Tearful, sneezing uncontrollably now, he managed to spat curses between fits.

"Damned cat... Cruciatus would be much too merciful... Aved-"

Before he could finish the Unforgivable, Snape pushed both of them in a dark corner between the leaky Cauldron and the Apothecary. He had watched with some wicked delight Lucius' torment by the cat, but having him mumbling Unforgivables in broad daylight in the presence of numerous witnesses was a risk he was not willing to take. Taking out his wand, he summoned a bowl of fish sticks. Gingerhead stared at the unexpected treat, then stared back at his sneezing toy. Finally deciding that a snack was far better than a Death Eater with a cat allergy, he jumped on the ground and began devouring his supper.

Snape cast a cleaning spell on Malfoy, and the blond man was finally able to breathe somewhat easier. He glanced at his tormentor, then at Snape.

"Better get rid of that monster, Severus," he hissed. "If I ever see him again, I will invent a new curse, fit to exterminate his despicable kind," he growled. And he disapparated as fast as his allergy would allow.

The Potions Master glanced at Gingerhead who had finished his snack and was busy cleaning his whiskers. "Are you happy now?"

Casting a second cleaning spell on him, he returned to Diagon Alley and entered the Apothecary.

__

I have to make that potion tonight, he noted to himself. _If that accursed cat stays with me any longer, I'll be in deep trouble._

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Thank you for the treat. And, yes, I am happy.

Where does your friend live? I'd like to pay him a visit sometime. 

Oh, come on, tell me! You know that sooner or later I'll find out anyway.

Where are we going now?

Oh, thank you! This is exactly what should follow a good supper.

~*~

Severus Snape handed the wizard behind the counter a list of the ingredients he wanted to purchase. Behind him, Gingerhead inspected the various wares, jumping to catch the feathers hanging from the ceiling. A certain container on a shelf against the wall attracted his attention.

The shop owner returned with a bad holding Snape's purchase.

"That would be two Galleons seven sickles, sir," said the man, handing him the bill.

A loud crashing sound of a shattered jar was heard behind Snape's back. In a moment, a couple more jars followed the first one. Turning around, the Potions Master saw the cat dragging away a bag filled with valerian roots. He seized the bag with his teeth, emptied its contents on the floor and began to roll over the littered valerian roots with an ecstatic glow in his yellow eyes.

Snape glanced at the drooling feline, uncertain if he should laugh or get angry. Then the shop owner's voice made his choice clear.

"That would be five Galleons and eleven sickles total, sir. Your cat should have remained outside," he told him in a cold voice.

The Potions Master didn't bother trying to explain that it was not his cat.

No one believed him anyway.


	11. Divide and Conquer

****

A/N: Gingerhead returns to Hogwarts. As per request, he meets Dumbledore and Mrs. Norris again. 

Many, many thanks to everyone who has taken the naughty cat in their hearts. And reviewed, of course.

Discussing the theory that cats repel evil. Let's see... 

Thanks to Kyra and Kingmaker for inspiring me through their reviews for this chapter.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think.

****

CHAPTER 11: Divide and Conquer.

Severus Snape entered the Hogwarts grounds crankier than ever. He was tired, he was covered in cat fur and he feared that his leg was probably still bleeding after the unfortunate encounter with the cat's claws. On top of this, the cat had cost him a good deal of money and his peace of mind. Despite the fact that he had restocked in several essential ingredients, his relations with every shop owner at Diagon Alley had suffered considerable damage due to the cat's mischief.

He growled and tried to focus on the coming evening. After a much-needed change of clothes and a light supper, he could at last be free to brew the potion that could allegedly make interspecies communication possible. Perhaps then he could talk some sense to the monster. But seeing Gingerhead friskily chasing the Fat Friar's transparent figure, he seriously doubted it.

In foul mood, he removed the wards guarding his dungeon, unlocked the door and stepped inside the coolness of his private chambers. He threw the package on the bed and removed his robes, readying himself for a thorough cleansing from the cat's fur and odor. As soon as he was about to remove his trousers and inspect the damage on his leg, a house elf appeared inside his bedroom.

Snape glared at him, infuriated from getting caught with his breeches down. "Yes? What is it?"

The house elf stared at the Potions Master, trembling. He never managed to speak a word; he just handed him a note. Gingerhead, on the other hand, watched their guest with obvious interest. The elf's eyes darted back and forth, unsure of which of the two posed a greater threat.

Of course, the Potions Master had never intended to devour the elf. Beat him, perhaps. Kick him, probably. Shout at him, certainly. But Gingerhead had already made his mind regarding the elf's usefulness. He focused, gathered his strength on his hind legs and jumped on the terrified elf. He shrieked and disappeared, just as the cat's claws cut through the air exactly where his throat would have been heartbeats ago.

Gingerhead landed on the floor with a loud thud, dispelling the myth that cats always land on their feet. Sometimes they land on their bellies.

Snape snickered and opened the note. And the glee was wiped off his face. The note was from the Headmaster.

__

Professor Snape,

Your presence is required to an urgent staff meeting held in the Headmasters office to discuss the disruption of the school life due to the behavior of a certain cat.

Proffessor McGonagall wishes to remind you that you are never too old to receive detention. 

Proceed to the Headmaster's office the moment you return to Hogwarts.

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster.

PS

Leave the cat out of my office.

The Potions Master glowered at the cat that was blissfully rolling on his robes, shedding even more fur on the dark fabric. Somehow, he had been missing his days as a Death Eater lately. _Ah, the curses, the tortures, the killing_... Sighing, he started dressing up again.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV.

Damn that house elf! I really need to know how they do this.

There goes my last chance of a decent supper. I doubt it if that hopeless simian will provide me with an adequate dinner.

Great Mother of Cats, he has that look again! What did I do now?

And where are we going?

~*~

Despite Snape's best efforts, Gingerhead was faster than he would ever be. The cat evaded his attempts to lock him in the bathroom, the bedroom or his study. He didn't even fall for either valerian or catnip. And his suspicions that the cat was more than he appeared were heightened when the cat ignored a bowl of tuna, sticking stubbornly to his side. It was as if he had sensed that the Potions Master was trying to ditch him. 

When he finally entered the Headmaster's office, Gingerhead jumped on Dumbledore's desk and made himself at home. Fawkes crowed and flew out of the room as soon as he saw the cat, while the Sorting Hat cowered on its shelf. Albus, tapping his long fingers on the wooden surface of his desk, glared at Snape.

"Perhaps I did not make myself clear, Severus," he said in an icy voice. 

Snape sat down on an empty chair, fighting to keep the fatigue from appearing on his features. "I'd like to see _you_ try and keep him out, Headmaster," he replied in a bilious voice. Of course, diplomacy was never Snape's strong point. He dared a sideways glance to the rest of the participants of the meeting.

Professor McGonagall was there, her lips forming a tight line on her stern face, avoiding acknowledging the presence of the cat. Snape tried hard not to smirk, remembering her humiliating encounter with the cat a few nights ago. Madame Sprout was also there, her plump face holding nothing else than disapproval. As for Madame Hooch, he was only grateful that her broomstick was nowhere in sight. Flitwick, who had been spared the cat's mischief, was sitting quietly on his chair. Something that did not apply to Lockhart, who seemed to be lacking something of his charm that night, including his always-elegant attire. His robes were not quite fitting, as if they were two sizes bigger. A smirk appeared on Snape's face, which he was quick to conceal under Dumbledore's cold stare. Somewhere in the back, he caught glimpse of the caretaker's slim figure.

Gingerhead jumped down and, much to Snape's surprise, it appeared as if he was actually behaving himself. But then the Headmaster's voice called him back to reality.

"Severus," he started, "Minerva has brought to my attention a certain incident involving your cat. I am deeply appalled as both a Headmaster and a friend to have one of the teachers undergo sexual harassment. And I believe I express everyone's thoughts when I say that you should find a way to restrain that cat of yours, or else there will be consequences."

"How many times do I have to say this? It is not my cat."

At that precise moment, Gingerhead jumped on Snape's lap, purring loudly.

Dumbledore folded his arms across his chest. "Of course."

Professor McGonagall followed Dumbledore's lead. "Need I remind you, Severus, of the incident in your classroom not long ago? This cat endangered the welfare of several second-grade Gryffindor students."

"Oh, and what a loss would that have been," he mumbled.

McGonagall was shocked. "Excuse me?"

"What I wanted to say, Minerva, is that Longbottom has caused equal, if not greater disruption during my classes, but you have never called a meeting on him."

"Neville never destroyed the flower beds I've worked so hard on, Severus." It was Madame Sprout's time to speak. "While this cat of yours turned months of hard labor into a salad bar in seconds!"

Snape fought back a yawn. As if he cared about the woman's flowers. The only way he liked them was dried, labeled and stocked in airtight jars.

"Not to mention that he almost threw me off my broo-"

But Madame Hooch never finished her sentence, for Gilderoy jumped in. "And what about my clothes? My exquisite, _expensive_ robes? And my beauty brews? I'm reduced in wearing this ... this thing, while I have been without my eye serum for two nights! I swear I can feel the wrinkles forming!"

Snape's face dropped in his palm. Dumbledore rolled his eyes, while everyone in the room seemed to share the same feelings; although it was not clear if they sympathized with Gilderoy or the cat this time. Gingerhead jumped off Snape's lap and vanished among their feet.

"That little monster has been harassing my angel, Headmaster." It was Filch who spoke this time. "He has been after Mrs. Norris ever since he set his accursed paw on the Hogwarts' grounds."

McGonagall was shocked. "Your cat? That creature almost raped _me_, Argus. If you had let him have some fun with your cat, perhaps I would have been spared the humiliation."

The caretaker's jaw dropped. "Let him molest my angel? My innocent little girl?" A vicious smile dawned on his ugly face. "In truth, Professor, I think that the cat was doing you a favor."

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, Professor," Gilderoy was quick to reply. "The worst that could have happened to you was some much needed release of sexual tension. While my robes..." His words almost became sobs under everyone's shocked stares.

"Shut up, Gilderoy," spat Madame Hooch. "How can you even compare attempted rape with the loss of your ridiculous clothes?"

"Something else to ponder on," said Filch in a silky voice. "How do we know that the cat did not actually achieve his goal?"

"My robes, ridiculous?"

This was too hard for Snape to resist. "Yes, Minerva," he said in a velvety voice. "Do tell. Did the cat indeed fail in his attempt?"

"Severus Snape, how dare you suggest such a thing?" McGonagall's eyes flashed.

"The cat followed his natural instincts. It is only logical to assume that you would have followed yours."

Minerva's face was twisted by anger and shame. "You... You..." She fought to find a suitable reply, but none came to her mind. "Severus Snape, you are on detention!"

"Am I, now?"

Dumbledore attempted to calm things down. "Please, Minerva, I'm sure that Severus-"

"My robes, ridiculous?" 

The Headmaster eyed Lockhart with clear irritation.

"Shut up, Gilderoy," hissed Hooch. "There are more important issues than your clothes here."

"And what would those be? The flower beds of a menopausal witch?"

Madame Sprout's face turned deeply red. Snape snickered. _Well, well... I never thought that Lockhart had it in him_. But Sprout saw his snicker and her anger targeted him instead of Gilderoy.

"This is all your doing, Severus," she yelled. "I have warned you," she growled as she reached for her wand.

Snape was quick to duck and her curse hit Hooch beside him, who in turn yelled in pain, as the poison ivy rush spread over her skin.

"Stupid witch! What's the use of carrying a wand if you cannot even aim?" And she cast her own curse. However, due to the uncontrollable itch, her aim was equally off target and huge red boils covered McGonagall's face.

"Order! There will be order, or you will all-" Dumbledore attempted to restore the peace and regain his authority, but he never completed his phrase. He hid under his desk just in time to avoid Lockhart's spell that incinerated the painting behind him.

For sometime mayhem continued inside the Headmaster's office. Nasty comments and various curses flew around, which eventually had nothing to do with the cat that triggered this. It was Filch' scream that momentarily ended the dispute.

"My angel! What is this monster doing to you?"

Snape leaned forward to see what was Gingerhead doing to Mrs. Norris. And he saw the huge ginger cat happily on top of an equally happy brown tabby, engaged in the ancient ritual of procreation.

__

Curses! This means more cats like this one! I'm doomed.

Is this the end of Hogwarts?

It seems as if we do not need the Dark Lord, after all. We are more than capable of finishing each other off without anyone's help.

Save for this of a certain cat, of course.


	12. Through the dark watches of the night

****

A/N: As per request, Peeves makes another quest appearance.

I'm not a poet, so humor me and pretend my rhymes are decent. Most of them are taken from Shakespeare anyway.

Once more, Gingerhead thanks everyone who has reviewed. Your kind words mean a lot.

No house elves were permanently injured during the writing of this chapter.

****

CHAPTER 12: Through the dark watches of the night.

Severus Snape made his way through the dark Hogwarts hallways feeling old and tired. The evening had been a complete disaster. His colleagues' actions had proven that the cat was the least of their concerns. Having behaved worse than any of their students ever would, they had managed to finally put an end to their shameful behavior thanks to the Headmaster's ability to restrain his tongue and his wand. They had parted exchanging uneasy glances, since the words that had been spoken would linger on for long after this night had ended. 

Gingerhead caught up with him and mewed to attract his attention.

"Shut up," he hissed. "This is all your fault."

The cat mewed again.

"No more food tonight. Argus had to be given a sedative potion to be able to cope with what you did to his cat, orange menace." He stared at Gingerhead thoughtfully. "On the other hand, better Mrs. Norris than Minerva. You've got some nerve, cat."

At that exact moment, Peeves flew in the scene.

__

Of course. "Get lost, Peeves. I'm not in the mood for your insults tonight," he spat.

"You were in the mood for McGonagall's insults, were you not?" The poltergeist danced around Snape's tired figure. "And why was I not invited to the party?"

"It was not a party, but a staff meeting,"

"Not what I heard, Snivellus," he cackled. 

Snape scowled on hearing his accursed nickname. "Get lost, Peeves, before I call the Bloody Baron on you."

Unimpressed, the spectre continued his taunting. "And how is our dear Minerva tonight? Should you be spending some time with her as well, kitty?"

"Leave her alone. That blasted cat has seen enough action tonight," Snape was quick to reply. And regretted it the same instant.

"Is this so? Who was the lucky gal?" Seeing Snape's furious face, he chuckled. "Not Mrs. Norris? Oh, this is too good! I'm sure that my beloved Argus would need my consolation tonight, would he not?"

Snape rubbed his sore eyes. Having the cat on his trail was bad enough. Having the cat _and_ the poltergeist was a nightmare.

"What's wrong, Snivellus? Missing some action for yourself? Too bad that those ladies back in London fled before you had a chance to nail them. Right, kitty?"

The Potion's Master looked up with feverish eyes. "How do you-" Then he stared at the cat, which was innocently washing his paw. He sighed. "Of course."

Peeves cackled again and began singing.

"_Charcoal burn and cauldrons bubble,_

The cat has got you in deep trouble!

Watch the logs to slowly burn, 

And wait impatiently your turn.

Feel the itching on your bums?

Something horny this way comes!"

And then he burst in laughter as he danced around the Potions Master.

"Shut up, Peeves. _Bloody Baron!_" Of course, no sight of the ghost in question.

"I think I'll sing this in the Main Hall tomorrow. What do you think, kitty?"

Gingerhead mewed pathetically. And Snape knew perfectly well the meaning of the sound. It spelled "_feed me_."

"Merciful Merlin," he mumbled, "I could swear that this cat could eat a dragon all by himself."

Gingerhead's face perked up hopefully.

"Forget it," he hissed and turned his back to the poltergeist and the cat. "You two deserve each other, but I'm fed up with both of you. I'm going to bed and if either one of you dares to disturb my rest, you will dance to the tune of the Cruciatus curse."

Of course, neither Gingerhead nor Peeves seemed remotely impressed by his threat. The cat mewed questionably while Peeves' song accompanied him all the way to his chambers. 

"_Alone in bed you fall asleep, _

Longing for something hot and cheap.

But I will come before you'll wake,

Your scrawny ass is mine to take!"

The Potions Master entered his dungeon and shut the door behind him with a loud bang, locking both the cat and the specter outside.

__

At last, some peace and quiet, he though wearily.

The depths of the castle would soon discover that this was hardly the case that night.

~*~

__

Gingerhead's POV. 

"I'm hungry."

"You always are hungry, kitty," noted Peeves.

"You shouldn't scare my servant away. Now who will bring me my meals?"

"What about a raid in the kitchens?"

Gingerhead's tail began twitching. "A raid?"

"Why not? Only the house elves ever go there."

Now the cat was drooling. "House elves?"

Peeves giggled. "There's one thing I totally agree with old Snivellus, kitty. I'd like to see you against a dragon sometime."

The cat snarled. "Be my guest. As long as you find me an adequate frying pat." He jerked his head sideways and licked a lock of misbehaving fur back in line. "Now, which way to the kitchens?"

~*~

Snape disrobed and sat behind his desk, summoning a light supper and a bottle of strong wine. He ate in silence, savoring the much-needed private time. With his stomach full and the alcohol warming his bloodstream, he reached for his grimoire, searching for the recipe of the potion he planned on brewing tonight. Chewing on the last piece of his sandwich, he went through the list of ingredients. 

Sage, for protection. _Double that_.

Wormwood, to open one's third eye. _Check_.

Fur, feathers or scales from the animal in question. _Tons of it. Check_.

Catnip, if the animal is a cat. Check the list below for other animals. _Check. Providing the 'cat in question' did not spoil all of my stock._

Dragon scales, powdered. _Check. I wonder why this was needed_.

Toad legs, finally chopped. _Check._

Spring water gathered at the full moon, seven drops. _Check. I wonder if this would work with a certain werewolf as well._

The procedure seemed simple enough; for a Potions Master, that is. Snape picked up his wand and aimed at his cauldron across the room. A dart of fire sprung from the tip and the cauldron began to warm up.

He sat back, sipping his wine, enjoying the sound of the flames and the absence of mewing.

~*~

In the Hogwarts kitchen, the house elves screamed in horror as a huge ginger cat landed on the wooden table in the middle of the room, hissing, spitting and clawing. With eyes widened and gleaming with an eerie light, tail wagging, ears twitched backwards, the cat leaped from table to floor and from floor on cabinets, slashing through the air to nail his prey. 

The terrified elves screamed and ran blindly inside the room, vanishing and apparating at random, colliding on each other, while the cat threw down everything that stood on his path; kitchen utensils, chairs, plates and several unfortunate elves.

~*~

Standing over the bubbling cauldron with his sleeves rolled past his elbows, Snape added a pinch of catnip into the boiling brew. The liquid foamed briefly, but then settled as he continued to stir clockwise. He leaned forward and sniffed the brewing potion. A horrid smell made him grimace.

__

This thing smells like feline urine, he thought in disgust. _No way I am going to drink this._

~*~

Farfy the house elf toppled over a kettle and landed on his stomach. Before he could get back on his feet, he was pinned down by the weight of that insane cat. Farfy felt his hot breath on his neck, as the foulest smell reached the elf's nostrils. He quivered and tried to break free, but in vain. The cat licked the back of his head, as if sampling his dinner. Farfy screamed, aware that his life had come to an end. 

Then he had an epiphany.

Snapping his fingers, he summoned a platter of chicken drumsticks.

Luckily for the elvendom on earth, Gingerhead found chicken drumsticks more appealing than dirty house elves.

~*~

Snape sat back on his chair, studying the contents of a vial filled with a murky liquid. It appeared to have brewed according to the recipe, but there was no way of telling without sampling. He looked around but the cat was still nowhere in sight.

"Where's that accursed cat when you need him?" He sighed and placed the vial on his desk.

Testing the effects of the brew would have to wait until the following day, or whenever the cat decided to grace him with his presence again. And if, by any chance, the cat decided to never return, so much the better.

He snickered at the thought.

And then he heard the knock on the door.

~*~

"What now?" Clutching his black robe around his slim body, Severus Snape eyed Hagrid with clear resentment.

"My apologies, Professor, for disturbing your rest," the half-giant mumbled. "I just wanted to bring this to you." And he handed him the cat that was blissfully licking his whiskers.

Out of reflex, Snape took the cat that Hagrid offered him, and regretted it the same instant. That animal was _heavy_. Snorting, he let him down and Gingerhead trotted past him, making himself at home. Hagrid appeared concerned.

"Yes? Was there something else you wanted, Hagrid?"

The half-giant's eyes studied the dust on his boots. "Actually, Professor..."

"Well? Speak up, man. It is getting late." Snape pushed back the urge to shut the door in his face.

"You see, Professor, the cat has misbehaved tonight."

"And what's new about that? He has been misbehaving every single night for the past week," he spat. "What's your point, Hagrid?"

"He broke into the kitchens," Hagrid finally said. "He wrecked the place and injured several of the elves there. I heard them talk of going on strike, Professor. The Headmaster will be furious when he finds out."

"Don't be ridiculous, Hagrid. The house elves never go on strike."

"Perhaps those who have never met this cat," argued Hagrid.

__

True. Snape sighed. "Fine, Hagrid. I will see what I can do."

He closed the door and returned to his office, followed by a purring Gingerhead. Snape added five drops of the potion into his wine and raised it to his face. After a moment of hesitation, he emptied the contents down his throat. 

__

Nothing.

He stared at the cat, which was happily washing his privates. _Still nothing_. He could hear him purr and occasionally growl, but he could not hear him speak. Snape frowned. He went through the recipe again but, as far as he knew, he had done everything according to the instructions.

Tired, he gently massaged his temples, feeling the onset of a horrible headache.

"...stupid bipeds, no better than house elves, and where is my snack, imbecile? I need to be fed and groomed and petted and worshipped. My grandfather was a pharaoh's cat and I'm stuck with a worthless slave like this sorry hide over there, staring at me clueless of my true statue, neglecting his duties and my meals and my praise..."

The Potions Master stood dumbstruck, hearing speechless the cat's grumbling. Then he regained the use of his vocal cords. "Whom did you call imbecile?"

"...not even one meal served on time, not one toy worth shredding, just this smelly, greasy, snoring simian-" Gingerhead abruptly looked up, taken aback by the sudden realization that Snape had actually heard him. He gazed at him with renewed interest. "You can understand what I am saying, human?"

Snape grinned. "Yes, _kitty_, I can." And he bared his teeth in a mockery of a smile that could make his students soil their breeches.

__

The game was afoot.


	13. Man and Cat

****

A/N: The humour is subtler in this one. I witnessed a cat giving birth to four kittens today, two of them of ginger colour. So I couldn't bring myself in the same mood as the previous chapters.

A warm hug and many thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think.

****

CHAPTER 13: Man to Cat.

Gingerhead stared at Snape through his orange, ageless eyes. This human was not a complete failure as it had seemed at first.

"Interesting," he said after a short silence. "You are certainly more resourceful than I had accredited you for," he added and licked his front leg. _That damned humidity of this dungeon keeps curling my fur, _he thought, annoyed.

Naturally, Snape had no idea of what went through the cat's mind. He just sneered. "Thank you, _your Grace_, for your kind words," he spat, his voice dripping venomous sarcasm. "Now, if you could please get the hell out of my dungeon and my life, I would be most thankful."

Gingerhead rolled onto his side and began licking his huge belly. "I am afraid I cannot do that. At least not yet, until Peeves' deadline in two nights time." _Great Cat Mother, I smell like a house elf! Got to clean this fur, got to clean this fur._

Snape scowled. "What deadline?"

The cat looked up, thinking that the human was, after all, rather slow. "I lost a bet with Peeves a week ago. My penalty was to spend a week in your company," he explained. 

"What kind of bet?"

Gingerhead looked rather embarrassed. "Oh, well, I might as well tell you. Better hear it from me than Peeves, I guess. I claimed I could eat ten times my weight. Peeves said that I couldn't." He paused, as if reliving a happy moment. "Much to my shame, I ate only two hundred and seventy pounds of tuna and chicken." He sighed. "Just ten pounds sort of winning the bet."

Snape raised an eyebrow, obviously impressed. "Well, if it's of any consolation, I too would have betted in your favor. Especially after having watched you dine," he added with a smirk.

The cat's face lit up. "Thank you. It was a pity to lose, considering I excelled at the rehearsal that same morning. Not one drumstick left," he added with a proud twitch of his tail.

The Potions Master overcame his surprise quickly. "Now that this is made clear, explain to me what do I have to do to rid myself of your company?"

Gingerhead blinked. "Why?"

Snape grinned. "Because you are the most self-centered, vain, obnoxious and greedy creature I've ever came across."

There was a moment of heavy silence. "I am not vain."

He rolled his eyes. "Please. Even Lockhart is not as vain, cat."

Gingerhead stood up, studying his face. "I could have sworn that you do not like me," he muttered.

"Like you? I'd rather hug the boy-that-lived in public and tell him what a great godfather he has than spend another minute in your presence."

The cat stared at him, having no idea of what the human was talking about, but pretended to fully understand his words. In any case, it was clear they were meant as an insult. "You don't like me."

"Correct."

"You do not like me."

Snape folded his arms across his chest. "Is there a point in this?"

"How can you not like me?" _I do not understand_, he thought, confused. _He has the honor of being my servant and he throws it away? Why?_

"My whole body is covered by scratches, to start with."

"You shouldn't have kicked me or step on my tail. You kick, I claw." _Perhaps he mistakes me for a dog._

"My robes are covered by cat fur."

"_Pure_ cat fur, if you please. Water proof and an excellent coat for the cold winter nights." _Not to mention the sign of a faithful servant_. 

"You soiled my bedroom and bathroom."

"You should have summoned me a litterbox." _How thick can he be?_

"And what about the incident in my classroom? Remember that catnip party?"

"Fine, I am an addict. Help me, not judge me." _And, incidentally, is there any catnip left?_

"What about Fawkes? And the Sorting Hat?"

"I'm a predator. Cats hunt birds. As for the hat, it refused to sort me into my House."

Snape stared at the cat, surprised. "You were _sorted_ into Slytherin?"

"Scheming, manipulative and hungry. That's what the Hat said about me," replied the cat, cocking his huge head haughtily. 

There was a moment of silence. The Potion's Master was obviously contemplating of the times he had heard the same adjectives describing himself. Save for hungry, that is. "And what about harassing the other teachers? Have you any idea how much trouble you have caused me?"

"It was not my fault," Gingerhead protested, rolling on his belly, cute as a killer whale. "I am just an innocent cat." _Let's see if it works. Blast. It didn't_.

"Merlin's ass, innocent. The Dark Lord pales in comparison."

"Who?" 

Snape rolled his eyes. "Never mind."

"Anyway, about that Lockhart guy, I only did what you requested, remember?" 

"Fine, I'll give you as much. But what you did to Professor McGonagall was inexcusable."

Gingerhead blinked. Then something of a sneer dawned inside his huge orange eyes. "Please. Just because you are on a diet, this doesn't mean everyone else must starve. I have to continue my bloodline. I only followed my instincts, as you have personally noted during the staff meeting." _And once I have enough heirs, I will proceed with my plans for World Domination. _

The Potions Master gazed at the cat thoughtfully. "You have an excuse for everything, do you not?"

"After seven lives, I'd better," he replied proudly. _And perhaps you can learn something from socializing with your superior, human_. 

"Is there any way I can persuade you in behaving yourself for the remaining of this penalty of yours?"

The cat licked his whiskers. "Explain 'behave'."

"No scratching or clawing, for one thing."

"As long as there is no kicking or stepping on my tail, I suppose I can do that," he agreed.

"No more shedding on my clothes."

Gingerhead rolled his eyes. "Please. How do you expect me to accomplish this? You might as well ask me not to breathe." _Great. Me and my big mouth. Good one, kitty_. 

Snape bared his teeth. "Razorblades and shaving potions come in mind."

The cat rose, almost arching his back. "Just try this. I dare you."

There was a moment of uneasy silence. Then Snape relaxed a bit. "Fine. Just don't shed on my clothes."

Gingerhead relaxed as well and scratched his ear, sending a thin mist of cat fur flying. "I'll try, this is all I can say."

"Is there the slightest chance you will not destroy the rest of my dungeon?" The sarcasm in his voice could make a whole classroom burst in tears.

The cat licked his privates. "Is there the slightest chance I will have my meals served in time?"

Snape sat down on his armchair, fatigue clouding his stern face. "This is hopeless," he muttered. "The moment you disappear from my life will be a blessed one."

Gingerhead gazed at him, puzzled. _He still doesn't like me_. And this was more than his ego could tolerate. He jumped off the bed and the once black robes he had been sitting on. He trotted to the seated professor and leaped on his knees, purring.

"Come on, Snivellus. It wasn't always bad," he said as he rubbed his head against the human's clasped hands.

The Potions Master scowled. "Do not call me that. Never," he warned him.

"Fine. What should I call you then?"

"I suppose that 'master' would be too much to ask, right?" The cat shook his head. "Then I guess that 'professor' will do, he replied wearily.

Gingerhead rubbed his head again against his hands. "Supper?"

Snape laughed. "After raiding the kitchens? No, I don't think so."

"As if you haven't fantasized about kicking a house elf occasionally," mumbled the cat, displeased.

"Truth be told, I have. But the Headmaster will be beside himself when he hears of this."

"Feed me and I will talk them out of going into strike."

He raised an eyebrow. "And how will you do this?"

Gingerhead's eyes glowed. "By claw and fang, of course."

"If you can do this, you can as well persuade them in feeding you, as a price of your ...protection against all harm," Snape suggested.

The cat almost gasped. _Why haven't I thought of that myself?_ Then he curled himself on the human's knees, purring. "I might do that. And you were surprised that I was sorted into your House," he purred.

Snape looked at the cat for one, long moment. Then, reluctantly, he reached out and stroked the cat's head, which in turn closed his eyes blissfully. "Perhaps..." But he never spoke the words out loud.

The cat stared back at him. "Yes, perhaps..." _Perhaps you and I could be friends. In another life and another place, but, again_...

But the moment came to pass.

"So, when will you be leaving?"

Gingerhead licked his paw. "Sometime this Monday. I do not like snakes." _Especially that big one that's crawling your way._

Snape blinked, confused. But he had given up the attempts to understand feline logic. 

"And," continued the cat, "since I'll be staying that much, is there anyone in particular you have a grunge on?"

Severus Snape, present Potions Master and former Death Eater, bared his teeth in a vicious smile. "As a matter of fact, cat, I do."

Gingerhead purred louder, feeling the human's hand stroking his back.

__

This will be fun.


	14. Gingerhead unbound

****

CHAPTER 14: Gingerhead unbound.

The sun rose over Hogwarts on that warm October Sunday. Most of the residents, students and teachers alike, ignored the first rays of sunlight and just rolled over in their beds to indulge in one more hour of sleep. Inside the Gryffindor Tower Harry Potter, the boy-that-lived, rubbed his eyes, secretly wishing that he could stay in bed like the rest of his friends. But he had to get up and get dressed, because Oliver Wood had scheduled early Quidditch practice that morning. 

Sighing, the boy sat up on his bed and slid his feet inside his slippers. Under his left sole he felt something soft and sticky. He bent over to see what he had stepped on, as the fear of having accidentally killed Ron's pet filled his heart. A cry of disgust escaped his lips as he saw the gross sight.

Inside his slipper, Harry saw the bloodied and disemboweled remains of a rat. Fortunately not Scabbers, but the sight was nauseating anyway. Frustrated, he looked up to his owl that was dozing off beside his bed.

"Hedwig," he said in a bilious tone, "how many times do I have to tell you to keep your catches out of my room? Now look what you have done."

Hopping on one leg in order to avoid touching the floor with his bloodied sole, he made his way to the bathroom to clean himself up. When he found out that his practice uniform and shoes had similar 'tokens', he was already late for practice.

Hedwig tried in vain to explain that it was all the cat's doing, but after the fifth attempt he gave up, accepting that his human was beyond any hope for interspecies communication.

~*~

The Gryffindor team Captain would be rather disappointed, for Harry was not the only one late for practice. Fred and George Weasley were late as well. _Too late_, despite the fact that they had woken up on time, an incident extraordinary all by itself. Then their jaws dropped when they saw the state their clothes were in.

"Mom in going to kill us," commented George, after the first shock. 

"Forget about Mom. I'm not getting out of the room in _these_. Wood will have to practice without us, until we find a way to fix this," added Fred.

Apparently, the house elves that took care of the laundry had messed things up big time. Every piece of clothing that belonged to the Weasley twins had acquired a dazzling shade of lavender, one that even Lockhart would be reluctant to wear. Moreover, it seemed that the clothes had shrunk at least one size. And this was more infuriating when it came to their underwear.

"Stupid house elves," mumbled Fred. "They must have washed our clothes along with the girls' panties."

George took out his wand, aiming at their messed up laundry and cast a transfiguration spell. The lavender shade flickered for a moment and then it turned to a brilliant hot pink. And no matter how hard they tried, the color refused to change any further.

The news of Fred and George Weasley coming out of the common showers in matched pink bathrobes hardly covering their skinny knees traveled around the castle in the blink of an eye, making people of all Houses laugh their hearts out. As for the Slytherins, it was a field day.

The house elves, even when questioned from the Headmaster himself, 'forgot' to mention that they had been coerced by a certain cat to mistake the boys' clothes for girls' panties.

~*~

Argus Filch woke up by the piercing sound of demanding mewing. He sat up, still dizzy from the calming potion he had been given the previous night. Then the fogginess abruptly left his mind, replaced by sudden horror. His cat was scratching the door, crying to be left out. Behind the closed door, the caretaker could hear the most atrocious sound ever; this of male feline suitors.

Mrs. Norris was in heat.

Cursing through clenched teeth, he got up and bolted the door, whispering soothing words to his desperate cat. He knew that there was no way he could ease her torment. But he would never allow his little angel to fall prey to the horde of horny felines out there. He would outlive them, even under siege.

Filch had no means of knowing the secret communication between the cats of the castle. Concealed from human senses, a certain cat has delivered the news of a fertile female among the male cat population of Hogwarts during the night.

~*~

Gilderoy Lockhart tore the package open with shaking hands. At last, his tailored robes had arrived from London with an express owl. He held them against the light, marveling on the way the soft fabric glittered in the sun. Inpatient, he got out of the second hand robes he had to wear during the past few days, feeling an almost sexual arousal in anticipation of the silk against his skin. Then he heard it.

Naked, he looked down and saw that accursed cat staring at him with his huge, orange eyes. The cat mewed again and licked his whiskers.

Lockhart paled, feeling exposed to the cat's sharp claws. "Go away."

Gingerhead blinked. And then he stretched.

Seeing the cat moving, the wizard jumped on the bed, stepping over his new robes and crouching as far as possible from the cat. "Go away," he hissed.

Unimpressed, the cat raised his hind paw and scratched his head behind the ear. Then he jumped on the bed, sniffing Gilderoy's new robes.

"Do not dare to touch my new clothes, worthless fleabag," he spat.

It seemed as if the cat had winced on hearing the insult. He glared at him for one long moment. Then he moved stealthily close to the cowering wizard. Scared stiff, Lockhart closed his eyes as he felt the cat's breath on his face, expecting sharp claws to slash his face at any moment. When the cat sniffed his more private parts, fear became terror, as all he could think of was the razor-like claws and the ivory fangs. Then the cat pulled away. He only opened his eyes when a terrible stench, accompanied by scratching sounds, reached his nostrils.

The cat had peed on his new clothes.

Lockhart felt tears running down his face, as he watched the cat leave.

Only then did he realize that it was not just the cat's urine that smelled that bad.

Gilderoy Lockhart had wetted himself.

~*~

It was Sunday evening when Severus Snape knocked on Professor McGonagall's office door. When he stepped into the room, the old witch greeted him with an icy stare.

"Well, Professor? Was there something you wanted?"

His lips curled into a hint of a sneer. "I'm here for my detention, Minerva," he said in a silky voice.

"This joke is no longer funny, Professor," she spat.

Snape folded his arms across his chest. "This is the first and last attempt to atone for the cat's sins, Minerva," he warned her. "Take it or leave it."

She gazed at him suspiciously. "Is this so?"

He raised his hands. "Fine, Minerva, have it your way. I am leaving," he said and turned his back. But her voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Wait." There was a moment of silence. "Severus Snape, I hardly believe my eyes. Are you apologizing to me?"

A scowl appeared on the pale face. "I am certain I have no idea of what you are talking about."

"Really?" She grinned, probably already visualizing the laughs she'd have over this incident in the future. 

Then the cat jumped on her desk and mewed affectionately, attempting to rub his face against hers.

She flinched, a flash of horror passing through her eyes. "Get that animal out of my office, Severus."

"Why?"

She gulped. "I do not like the way he looks at me."

"And how would that be?"

"Hungry. Scheming. As if he can understand every word I say."

Snape smiled. "But his does, Minerva." He turned his attention to Gingerhead. "Come here, boy," he said in a low, gentle voice, completely unfitting to the dreaded Potions Master of Hogwarts. Surprisingly, the cat obeyed. Snape bent over and picked the huge cat in his arms.

"Should I assume that you no longer wish to give me detention?" His voice had regained his usual sarcasm.

Professor McGonagall pretended to read the parchment before her. "Go away, Severus. And take that blasted animal with you." As she watched him leave, she spoke one last time. "One question, though."

"Yes?"

"You cannot possibly know that he understands our words?"

Snape stared at the cat's brilliant eyes for a moment before replying. "Oh, but I do."

Minerva MacGonagall gazed at him, confused.

"I _should_ know. After all, he is my cat."


	15. Epilogue

****

A/N: So the tale has come to an end. Please, before you leave, take the time to read the Author's notes after this epilogue.

****

EPILOGUE

The sun was setting on Monday evening, as Severus Snape crossed the borders of the Hogwarts grounds. He walked casually towards Hogsmeade, one more dark shadow among the shadows of the Forbidden Forest. The night would be calm and warm, at least at Hogwarts. Looking at the cat walking beside him, he wondered if the night would be as calm for the rest of the world.

He halted his stroll and turned to the cat. "Where will you go now?"

Gingerhead sat down. "To a family reunion."

"Really?"

"Yes," replied the cat. "My cousin Belial has just reincarnated and I think I'll pay him a visit. I find it greatly amusing to tease him while he's still a kitten."

__

Merciful Merlin, there are more cats like him? But he never spoke the words out loud. "Well," he said as casually as possible, "off you go."

"Do you expect me to believe that you will not miss me?"

Snape snickered. "As much as I would miss the stitches on my nether regions."

Gingerheard snarled. "We will meet again, you know."

"Not if I can help it."

The cat gazed at him thoughtfully. "You might be a wizard, but I have three more lives yet. You haven't seen the last of me," he warned him. Then he flicked his tail and disappeared.

Severus Snape was suddenly all alone. He knew he would have a hard time to get used to the silence. Then a grin dawned on his face.

__

The rest of the world, of wizards and muggles alike, should be very careful from now on.

Gingerhead is on the loose.


End file.
